Ooh…a test-drive?! There was a bit of silence for a few seconds and then, quietly taking a sip of water, I calmly said “Sorry, I'm not a car”. Ouch! What came after was a series of apologies from him along the lines of “Umm… sorry… I didn't mean to imply that you are a car…. umm… “.
I guess this wasn't the “Your place or mine?” answer he was expecting.
On a more serious note though, I do tend to find it somewhat insulting when women are compared to cars. I mean, surely there are other more elegant ways to ask for sex!
I should explain why I find it insulting. For one thing, a car is an inanimate OBJECT, while a woman is a living breathing human being with emotions and a spirit.
Maybe I'll do a blog post on the differences between a woman and a car if I get enough interest on that (in case some genuinely wonder what the differences are!), but for now, let's dive into this whole issue of needing to be test-driven in the first place.
Can I let you in on a secret?
He really doesn't really need to ‘test-drive' you for him to know you're the one for him. Plain and simple.
Agree? Disagree?
How many times have you heard a man say “It was after I slept with her that I knew she was the one”? No seriously, think about it for a second… On the contrary, it is usually a conviction a man feels, at times even as early as his first meeting with you, that lets him know you're the one for him.
Do you remember when Eve was brought to Adam by God? Adam knew she was the one for him – even before he slept with her. Same with Jacob. When Jacob saw Rachel, he loved her so much he was willing to work 7 years for her! (and he hadn't slept with her yet). The years seemed like days to him. The point is, the conviction a man gets for him to know if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you doesn't come from sleeping with you. Can we at least agree on that?
The whole “test-drive” excuse to have sex with you is really just a sham! Now, I'm not so naive to not know that sometimes there are issues in the bedroom that this person is trying to avoid if necessary, but truth be told, if someone is unselfish, you can work through whatever issues may present themselves – if of course, you're the type who believes that things can and should be worked out. The reality is, any long-term relationship such as marriage is going to take work. If you're not ready to invest the needed time, energy & patience into your relationship to make it the best it can be, then you're not ready for a relationship, and really shouldn't be in one.
Let's zero in for a minute on the mentality that causes someone to want a ‘test-drive' in the first place : The ‘test-drive' mentality shows a pattern of thinking that basically says “if there are issues, I am not willing to work through them“. That's the thinking of test- driving : that if you don't like it, you can leave it. The question now becomes, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who has that type of thinking?
And, let's even say you have the ‘test-drive' and everything goes great! 🙂 Now, just because you're having great sex at this time doesn't mean you'll continue to have great sex ALL THE TIME, through the years of marriage. Stress occurs in life through work, having children, sickness, etc. Basing your decision to be with someone for a lifetime on ‘great sex', might set you up for a rude awakening if and when issues come up in the bedroom.
Truth be told, you really do want someone who is unselfish, and who is ready to invest into the relationship the same way you are ready and willing to. And here's the kicker : you don't need to sleep with someone to find out how selfish or unselfish he or she is. A selfish attitude can be determined from interacting, and even having a conversation, with someone – that is, if you're paying attention!
So pay attention. And remember, you're going for the long-term and not the short-term as far as a relationship goes. Celibacy allows you to focus on putting the foundational pieces of self-control, trust, and love in place. It allows for true intimacy in your relationship. Allow celibacy to do it's work.
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